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24 Jan, 2019

Say Goodbye to Awkward Small Talk Now!

Making small talk isn‘t as easy as it sounds. On the contrary, conversing with strangers can be stilted and even painful. Small talk makes so many of us feel like a fraud and yet it’s extremely important in life.

Does the thought of small talk fill you with dread? While trying to appear interested, engaged and enthusiastic, are you really itching for the, so often, awkward conversation to end so you can crawl back into your comfort zone?

Here are some tips, mostly common sense, to make your small talk more meaningful:

Ask Why and How Questions

When you ask a “What” question, chances are you will get a simple answer, but when you ask a “Why” question, you explore a person’s underlying motivation. For example, “Why did you think that happened?” yields a more thoughtful response than, “What happened?” Every question you ask has the potential to narrow or expand the dialogue. “What” questions encourage introspection and convey a genuine interest in the other person’s experience..

Draw the Other Person Out

People love to talk about themselves, so be a great listener. If you’ve never met them before, ask what they do professionally and what they enjoy recreationally. Respond by paraphrasing and reflecting on the conversation to move it forward—it shows the other person you genuinely care about what they have to say.

Encourage Elaboration

This includes body language cues like eye contact (and not looking over their shoulder) sincere nodding, leaning in and of course actually listening. Nothing kills a pleasant conversation like feeling the other person doesn’t care about what you’re saying.

Don’t Fill the Space 

Sometimes people don’t want to talk and it’s important to know when not to (an elevator, confined spaces as a rule). Watch for those visual clues that someone isn’t in the mood for small talk and respect them.

Make a Clean Getaway

Use the phrase ‘I need’: I need to get some food, I need to talk to a client over there. I need to meet the speaker. Freshening your drink, using the restroom, chatting with a friend who has just arrived are also valid needs.

“If you can mention something from the conversation that meant something to you,” says Roberts, “it shows that you’re not running off because you’re bored. I say, ‘I’ve enjoyed talking to you about your volunteer work, and I hope to talk to you again.’”

Below are some small talk questions that you may need in the future:

1.      What surprised you the most about your current job?

2.      What’s the craziest thing a boss has ever asked you to do?

3.      Would you rather work four 10-hour days or five eight-hour days?

4.      What was your first job? Did you like it?

5.      What’s the best career advice you’ve ever received? How about the worst?

6.      Are you reading any good books right now? I’d love some recommendations. How about shows?

7.      Who is your favorite person to follow on Instagram?

8.      Are there any foods that you absolutely would not eat?

9.      What are the best cheap eats around here?

10.  What’s your favorite restaurant that other people don’t tend to know about?

11.  What’s the best “hidden gem” around here?

12.  Where’s the last place you traveled? What did you do there?

13.  Do you prefer action-packed vacations or relaxing on the beach?

14.  What’s the next trip you have planned?

15.  What’s your favorite thing to do around here on the weekends?

16.  Where did you live before this? What are the biggest differences you see?

17.  What did you think you were going to be growing up?

18.  Do you have any hidden talents or surprising hobbies?

19.  Who’s the most important role model or mentor you’ve had in your life?

20.  What’s the strangest compliment you’ve ever gotten?

21.  If you could teach a college course on any subject you want, what would it be?

22.  What’s the most out-of-character thing you’ve ever done?

23.  What would be your ideal superpower?

24.  If you could have any type of animal for a pet, what would it be?

If you feel anxious about making small talk, remind yourself that your nervousness is coming from you and your beliefs, not the situation. Ask yourself: what’s the worst that can happen? If the small talk fails and the other person doesn’t like me, so what? Also, just because small talk was awkward in the past doesn’t mean it will be that way again. Try to use the tips above in you next small talk and see what will happen!